A Tax Cuts Mystery

The chief of detectives shoved his hands into the pockets of his
trenchcoat and tugged at the brim of his fedora. “We’ve got a
murder on our hands, gentlemen.”“Aw man, on New Year’s Eve? Who’s the stiff?” asked the sidekick
character. (One thing about detective stories, starting with
Sherlock Holmes’ Dr. Watson and continuing through Kinky Friedman’s
Ratso, there’s always a sidekick character.)“Some guy named Cuts. Bush Tax Cuts. He died right at midnight,
and it looks suspicious. And it’s too bad. I mean, it’s usually too
bad, and I don’t usually like to get sentimental over stiffs, but
it seems like this guy did a lot of good,” said the chief of
detectives, fumbling with the wrapper of a Nicorette. (One other
thing about detective stories, starting with Sherlock Holmes’ pipe
and continuing through Kinky Friedman’s cigar, is that the
detective always smokes. But times are changing.)“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” said the sidekick. “How old was he?”“A kid, basically,” replied the chief of detectives. “Depending
on how you count, he was either 11 or 9.”“Wow, that’s young,” said the sidekick.“Well, yes and no,” said the chief of detectives. “A lot of
people thought he was going to get killed about four years ago, or
two years ago, but he lasted longer than anyone thought. Even now
there’s talk about trying to resurrect or save some parts of him,
but if you ask me that’s something different entirely.”“Huh?” said the sidekick.“Ah, forget it,” said the chief of detectives. “The truth is,
violence runs in the family.”“Huh?” said the sidekick. (Another thing about detective stories
is that the sidekick exists to make the detective look smart by
comparison.)“Remember that Reagan Tax Cut case we had a couple decades
back?” the chief asked.“The one where the vice president did it?” asked the
sidekick.“Yeah. That time around the stiff was just five years old. And
the perp in that one
was this victim’s pop,” said the chief of
detectives.“Man, so all that stuff they teach at the Harvard School of
Public Health about violence running through families over
generations and the need for early intervention is actually true,”
said the sidekick.“Hey, watch it. You’re supposed to be the sidekick, not some
kind of social worker,” said the chief of detectives.

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A Tax Cuts Mystery

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