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Thing One: The Phantom Panic: Dow 36,000, here we come!
When the market opens this morning, the Dow Jones Industrial Average will be less than 50 points away from the nice, round number 14,000, a level it hasn’t seen since 2007, when the financial crisis was in its infancy. From there, it’ll be just a short climb to its all-time high of 14,164.53. Econo-nerds may argue that we should adjust the Dow for inflation and therefore we’re not as close to a record as we think we are, but those people will be ignored because shut up, nerds. After that, it’s certainly only a matter of time before James Glassman and Kevin Hassett of “Dow 36,000″ fame can finally end their long reign as the clown princes of stock prognostication, along with Donald Luskin.