Raised a denizen of the Internet, I don’t have a lot of hard-copy photographs. I only own one photo album and it’s tucked away in a box file on a shelf that I can’t even reach. I’ve rarely looked at the crimson binder of amateur snapshots — my wedding album — lovingly compiled for the perusing eyes of a federal agent.
I don’t have a green card marriage. I do have a marriage green card. The process to get it, as anyone who has gone through it might attest, was a dizzying, panic-inducing bureaucratic obstacle course; a strange lesson in state determinations of love and partnership.
A New York Daily News article last year about the officials who interrogate couples applying for green cards noted, “The green-card gumshoes use old-fashioned sleuthing to ferret out marriages of convenience from cases of true love.” But in my experience, “true love” as recognized by the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services is an uncomfortable act to perform.
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It’s Valentine’s Day, everyone. If you’re like me, you are wondering what there could possibly be to celebrate in an era when the Internet has killed courtship and Taylor Swift is seemingly incapable of finding the one.
Oh, I jest. People still go on dates and T-Swizzle is 23 years old and figuring stuff out, so please everyone just get off her back, okay?
Love isn’t dead. It’s actually kind of everywhere. It’s fleeting. It disappears only to show up again later. It doesn’t always look the way we thought it would. And it often involves a lot of heartbreak and frustration. But it happens, and it’s real.
Just to prove it to you, I’ve compiled a list of couples that remind us all that romance takes many shapes and forms over a lifetime. So kick back, crack open a box of Russell Stovers and come on this love journey with me. And feel free to tell me in the comments which couples inspire you.
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I’ve always been a tad suspicious of the consumerist motivations behind Valentine’s Day — but that was before I became a “sex and relationships” writer. Now I’m a conspiracy theorist wearing a tinfoil-hat made of Hershey’s Kisses wrappers. You need only take a glimpse of my in box around this time of year — or better yet, actually read through the dozens of the scheming, hackneyed and downright bizarre V-Day pitches you’ll find there — to understand why.
I’m a fan of laughing instead of crying — especially when it comes to the ceremonial excess of Feb. 14 — so I bring you this year’s 10 worst attempts to capitalize on Cupid’s holiday.
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The Los Angeles Police Department is now using the controlled mainstream media to sensationalize the search for former cop and accused killer Christopher Dorner. … Read More
Depiction of the mythical Europa on the latest European funny money appears to betray the guiding hand of the Illuminati. … Read More
My favorite love song of the past few years is “Video Games,” by Lana Del Ray because of the third line of the chorus. It’s the song’s most burlesque moment, a come-on that should feel scuzzy and hackneyed, that should ruin everything: “I heard that you like the bad girls, honey.” But it catapults the song over all the barricades I’ve erected in my soul against love songs and against songs in which the singer self-identifies as “bad.” The reason is that the melody in which this particular line is sung cuts against its meaning. Because the words are about sex, you’d expect the song’s heretofore sultry melody to remain sultry or wax sultrier. Instead, on the words “bad girls, honey,” the vocal goes high, chaste, folky. If you only heard this snippet of melody, without words or context, you’d guess it belonged in an Indigo Girls song about ghosts or injustice, or in a lament about Scotland. That’s why the “bad girls, honey” kills me: The words are able to register as hot because the notes are cold. The operative principle here — you can get away with saying something very warm if you deliver it in a cold medium — also explains why Lana Del Ray gave this warmest of torch songs the coldest of names.
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